Marianne is Coming to Visit!
Marianne is coming to visit!! Huzzah! What a treat, what a great big treat. Soon too. So, yes, you probably know all about this, this is when it begins: what [...]
Grinding Out Another Horror Show Project in, Turns Out, My “Yew” Garden: A Letter From The Midwest.
Part of why the project is so horrible is because much of the point of it is to take space that was already too full of junk and make it capable of holding even more junk. Junk had to be move out of the way, only to be in the way of the next task, and then the next.
Muddy March Gardens, Flagrant Power Tool Violations, Heresy, Arson, & More: A [Belated] Letter from The Midwest
After returning home, I went into a power tool-fired, panic-driven, spring cleanup, trying desperately to wipe ugly out of my garden but, truth is, only some of what I did made anything look even slightly better. The real cure for March is April, and the cure for April is May. Anyway, I went into a string-trimming frenzy, slashing back sedges, grasses, perennials and slinging dirt, sticks, gravel, plant labels, cigarette butts, beer cans, and whatever else all over creation anywhere I went. I consider myself kind of a performance artist when it comes to using a string trimmer. And a pretty innovative one at that. A lot of what I do with it would show up very prominently in the DO NOT section of the operating manual if manual writers had anything like the imagination I've got.
Confronting Humor and a Lack of it from Every Angle: A Letter from The Midwest
And dark and mysterious people like me hate being called “affable.” In fact, even affable people even hate being called “affable.” Which, I’m certain you knew. And why you said it. And, guess what, I forgive you. Yes, I forgive you. Because sometimes you’re a good person.
Buy This Book or Kevin the Canna Dies!
It’s comprehensive, quirky, effective, funny, fun, and a worthy addition to the library of any gardener who wants to grow tropical plants. More than that, it should be required reading for idiot gardeners like me who need to be goaded into trying them.
On Wild Mushrooms, Bears, and Teenage Girls: A Letter from The Midwest
If you insist on traipsing around in the hollers of Virginia like Lewis and Clark, out there randomly meandering about along with all the various drug runners, moonshiners, and village psychopaths. Making yourself subject to the mood, hunger, and whims of every snake, spider, bear, and cougar loose in the woods. Completely vulnerable to things like quicksand, booby traps, landmines, and God knows whatever else, then at least be smart. Bring a teenage girl with you! Which, in fact, is what Lewis and Clark did. They knew.
I’m Project-ed Out! Weariness Projected Through Labor Day! A Letter from The Midwest.
Usually March around here is pretty dire. It is when the novelty of the outside air being so cold you can freeze water in it has long lost its charm and when the utter lack of any color outside becomes unbearable. Invariably, it’s the time of year when anything in the garden that might have once promised “winter interest” can only still be identified by means of dental records.
Pissing Away a Privilege and a Newly Invented Theology: A Letter from The Midwest.
January 27, 2021 Cincinnati, Ohio Dear Marianne, It was a great relief to receive your most recent letter. I was a bit worried my previous letter to you might have [...]
’21 Is Gonna Be a Good Year: A Letter from The Midwest
December 20, 2020 Cincinnati, Ohio Dear Marianne, I’ve gotten into the habit of blaming a lot of things on 2020. And most times, maybe every time, despite how knee-jerk and [...]
What Is, What Could Be, and The Art of Yearning For What Never Was: A Letter From The Midwest
Cincinnati, Ohio Dear Marianne, I enjoyed you letter dated October 17th, but I'm left again wondering how the hell did another whole month go by? You might not know this [...]
Upbeat Garden Writing in August? A False Positive: A Letter from The Midwest
September 12, 2020 Cincinnati, Ohio Dear Marianne, Through our ongoing letters and because of the few times we've hung out, I must admit I have become rather fond of you. [...]
Experts Expose the Deadliest Garden Writing Tools! And Five Fabulous Coneflowers that Defy News Feed Blues!!!: A Letter from The Midwest
July 15, 2020 Cincinnati, Ohio Dear Marianne, Thank you so much for your letter dated June 26th. During this chaotic, busy time, it reminded me that I’m still in this [...]