‘Tis the season for giving, and once this season ‘tis over, ‘tis another one right around the corner. The pressure is on to find the perfect gift, and if you’re a gardener, the temptation is high to indulge in the oft-touted ‘perfect pairing’ of plants and gift giving, and get through that list as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Think again.
Longwood Christmas 2022
Unlike an ugly sweater or a Thigh Master which can be thrown into a cupboard and forgotten until the next Goodwill run or therapist’s appointment, plants must be cared for. The act of caring for that plant takes energy, and if the recipient is ambivalent about the plant or simply doesn’t have time, the chances are that the plant – ripped from a loving greenhouse and weekly fertilizer infusions – will die.
February is already depressing enough without a half-dead, once-gorgeous, container combination obligation sitting on a messy kitchen counter – and a friend who’s asking about it whenever they see you.
From Christmas cacti to Mother’s Day roses – when we give a plant, we give an obligation. I think it’s important to recognize this premise so we can successfully match the obligation to the recipient, and nurture (not napalm) a burgeoning interest in horticulture.
Here are a few thoughts/options:
Mark Special Occasions with Flowers, Not Plants
This might sound like heresy coming from the lips of a gardener who loves getting plants as gifts, but for most people, flowers might be better. The gift of a floral arrangement (particularly with specially chosen, local-florist, seasonal favorites, or an arrangement from your own garden) is not only a wonderful surprise, it’s universally understood to require nothing of the recipient besides a massive smile and perhaps a well-bred thank-you-note.
Unless the recipient is a gardener (as in, ‘I garden, I am’), or specifically asks for it, do not give them a special or symbolic plant during a life-changing event such as a move, a birth, a marriage or a promotion, which by its very nature changes their lives.
Longwood Christmas, 2022
If you absolutely must, give a grocery store plant arrangement and make sure they know that you hope it will last a little longer than a floral arrangement, but not by much. If you still insist on giving something a bit more personal and/or symbolic, that’s on you. Hand it over and never ask about it again. Ever.
Seriously. Ever.
Open Up a Bigger World
If subtle, painless evangelization cloaked in gift-giving is your game, and your target is a new gardener, a plant may not be the best way to go. Get the juices flowing first. Give the gift of a membership to a botanical garden, or a series of incredible lectures, or a sumptuous print or digital magazine. Membership with The American Horticultural Society can give them all three (says their shameless opinion columnist).
Don’t Set Them Up for Failure
In a moment of 11th hour desperation during the holiday season, where you’re either grabbing a plant or grabbing bath salts; at the very least, choose a plant whose future existence does not depend on a fair amount of horticultural know-how, i.e., devil’s ivy over maiden-hair ferns. You may not give a damn if it lives or dies, but a prolonged death scene could be the final straw for a friend who had hoped that this time – just this one time – she could keep something green alive.
Longwood Christmas, 2022
Help Them Succeed – By Force
If you wish to encourage a young, beginning gardener with a very special plant that will flood them with memories of your fabulous personality for the rest of their lives; the best course of action is to hand it to them, humbly accept their joyful squeals, then smile gently and say “Let me help you plant it in the right place for your garden.”
“Today.”
“In fact, let’s do that right now.”
Save this one for a holiday where the ground isn’t frozen.
Give Them a Choice…And The Gift of Time
A last, excellent option is to find a local nursery, buy a gift certificate and allow the recipient to choose his or her own beautiful obligations according to his or her own schedule, skill-level, and tolerance for pain – a win-win for everyone involved. You support a local nursery and give your friend lots of options.
Fellow Gardeners Are Different
Now of course, if you’re giving a plant to a hardcore gardener, none of the above applies. In fact, not only can you expect a status update on your gift, you can expect an accompanying report card of the plant’s strengths, failings, soil preferences and very possibly, a few pictures to prove how they have definitely grown it far better than you ever could.
And if they lost it to fire, flood or neglect? There is rarely guilt in the voice of such gardeners – in fact, they can be downright belligerent when pressed, i.e. “That Manihot esculenta? Oh, I killed that. Could you pass the zinfandel?”
***
Fellow Ranter Anne says in her comments below, that she’s not so sure about this, as the ‘walk of shame around the garden looking for a possible hole is even worse if you didn’t actually fall in love with the plant you’re trying to place…..”, and I agree with this so much (and have experienced it so often), that I have to add it to the article in case you are not a comment reader and don’t see this bit of wisdom. It may be therefore, that the offhanded are simply trying to play it cool in the face of shame and indignation.
I try to give plants to the hard-core matched to a specific request in the past (when a plant required more time before I could share it), though I have been known to desperately look around for something rare and wonderful and divisible when on my last-minute way to a fellow gardener and their garden. Luckily for Anne, it’s illegal for me to bring something over to her when I visit next year. -MW
Longwood Christmas, 2022
I use to tell people at our small (now retired) nursery when hoping to choose a plant for a gift that it was like giving someone a puppy. Do you think that they can keep it alive? Or want to?
Perfect metaphor. – MW
Good advice, Marianne. The inclusion of alternative gifts was especially thoughtful.
Possibly, you hang only with good folk. Or, you have a much kinder heart than me. In contrast, I have contemplated sending lusty Kudzu cuttings/roots to some people. Or, finding deer eggs to share. But, I couldn’t find any of the latter or, even, any fusarium wilt or downy mildew spores to send.
Finding gifts is so hard!
Thanks John, and thanks for reminding me to add the links to some gift alternatives. The lecture series by Fergus Garrett at Great Dixter is a particularly good one for gardeners — truly a gift that keeps giving. – MW
I have plenty of deer “eggs” if you want me to send some…or coyote logs. And please, don’t feel obligated to return the favor by sending kudzu OR polygonum or bittersweet or any other “lovely”, quick growing vine or ground cover. Really, it’s okay.
I was with you all the way until you told us that you can give fellow gardeners plant gifts. I’m not so sure about that. The walk of shame around the garden looking for a possible hole is even worse if you didn’t actually fall in love with the plant you’re trying to place…..
Anne, point taken — and added to the article above as it is so true. – MW
Well done – and yes, you will be welcomed empty handed!!! XxXX
Thankfully winter has already descended by Christmas so gift certificates to favourite nurseries or newly released gardening books are the perfect gifts for my gardening friends.
Excellent suggestion, Elaine. Merry Holidays and a Happy Christmas to all.
And a verdant, wildly green New Year!
A lot depends on knowing the person who is to receive the gift. Someone like Marianne has “space” to burn. With myself, here in my garden 31 years, space is harder to come by. Anne W hit that one right on the head… I can safely give ANY good plant to someone like Marianne, and I keep a stock of small potted helleborus x hybridus (out of my garden paths) to people I can’t gauge. This is no worse than giving them to my garden club’s plant exchange or plant sales.
Space is actually hard to come by on a big property with a outrageous lack of undergardeners. Nature wants it back, and will take it by force, and anything not placed in areas cultivated and under observation might as well be thrown to the wolves. Or rather, the deer. Precious things need eyes and hands upon them. Which is to say, I still want that long promised Tibetan hellebore. 😉 – MW
Excellent analysis, Marianne! Thank you for the reminder! Some years ago when I first had garden visitors who I didnt know we’ll, I’d say, “If there’s anything in my garden you’d like a piece of, tell me and I can probably find a piece/baby for you.” I was amazed how rarely any asked for something. Maybe they were intimidated? But it also gives you a clue of how serious they are about gardening.
If you are a gardener receiving gifts from non gardeners can be difficult. My dear husband likes all his presents to be surprises. And he likes gadgets. Gift cards to nurseries are no fun to him. You want a pile of compost is meant with disbelief. And how do you wrap it?
So very well said Marianne! I’m always amazed by the number of people who believe that because I garden, I must also want houseplants (which do fine in the winter and tend to die of neglect by the end of summer). Gift certificates to a local nursery, on the other hand, are an absolute joy to receive!
Are the photos from Longwood Gardens?
Thank you. Yes, the photos are Longwood this year. Thanks for reminding me to go back and label them. – MW
Longwood Gardens is always breathtaking. I used to live 2 short hours away but no longer. Thank you for sharing some of your photos. Such a wonderful visual treat!
This one was funnnneeeee. …I never thought of the gifting of plants from this angle (I do love to be presented with alternative opinions! That’s why I read Garden Rant. It’s like a box of chocolates)….anyhow….hmmmmm. I have been on both sides of this coin certainly…but I most humbly say, any plant given to me survives .I will however, reconsider before I give a real live plant to any of my non plant loving friends after reading this…most people have plenty of crap to make them feel bad about failure….and giving them one more thing to a)take care of and/or b) keep alive is NOT a good thing….BUT if ANYONE would like to give me a cutting or a potted plant of variegated MONSTERA I would take it in less than a heartbeat!…..
I admit I gave my daughter two rose bushes for her birthday this year. The adorable little cottage where she used to live, the whole tiny garden was, well, a garden, and she loved adding plants and bulbs to fill it up even more space. She has now left that adorable little cottage to live with her future husband, so she has a new, much larger yard in which to garden.
So, for her birthday, I ordered two rose bushes for her “new” home. But, I did not do so until I consulted with her and first asked her if she’d like to receive rose bushes, and if she has a place to plant them, and secondly asked her when she’d want to receive them so she’d have time to plant them. Yes, she and her fiancé were excited by the opportunity to add roses to their garden. Since she lives halfway across the continent from me, alas, I couldn’t be there to help her plant them, but her brother was, who is also an avid gardener. 🙂
I did make the mistake a few years ago and sent my son (the previously mentioned brother) pruning shears two Christmases in a row, having forgotten I had already given him a pair they year before. Oops. Well, things like that go missing on a regular basis anyway, if you’re as distractible as I am and forget where you put them last.