Photo by Mark Nowak

No, you’ll find no dreadful scenes like the above lurking about my property. There is no need for manufactured horror here. If I want to be filled with fright and despair, all I have to do is take a short walk around the yard. Do you dare to accompany me? All right, but just remember … you were warned!

The Black Lagoon of Misery

This was once a cheerful water feature, with bright orange fish darting through the clear water. Now, the once-pristine pond is more like a swamp, choked with leaves and inexplicably-dead water plants. The fish lurk in the bottom, their only hope possible adoption by a kindly neighbor.

Dark Shadows of Doom Overhead

By the thousands, they rustle in the breeze, still bright green for the most part, taunting us as they flutter down, one or two at a time. They’ll save the big drop until 3 hours before the first major snowstorm. And there they’ll lay for months, ready to be scooped up in heavy, sodden piles after the thaw.

Will the Bulbs Never End?

Who ordered all these? What could he or she have been thinking? Who’s going to plant all these? How much did all this cost? This is madness, I tell you, madness!

The Killing Fields

This is where young, vibrant, healthy, expensive plants are taken to die … slowly. The torture is simple but exquisite. If planted, these perennial salvias, daylilies, and geraniums might make a bright show next summer. If planted—and that’s looking less and less likely.

OK, that’s all for today. Thank you for visiting my little garden. I’m sorry if it has been unpleasant. Once I had beautiful flower beds, lush ferns, colorful container annuals, and much more. Not any more.

The horror! The horror!

(And—oh yes—there’s also next Tuesday.)