Here's more on garden objects from guest ranter Benjamin Yogt/The Deep Middle
Your house is your home. You can, of course, do whatever you
want to the inside or outside. Unfortunately, in regards to the outside, the
rest of us have to look at it and wonder what you were thinking.
A home is not a school, neither is it a post office,
industrial park, nor the White House. Therefore—and this is just a
suggestion—one should not have a flagpole in front of it.
Ok, maybe, just maybe if you live on a couple acres and want
the compound effect, you can get away with a flagpole. But on a suburban ¼ acre
lot, or an urban lot that’s even smaller? Come on.
Last night I had a nightmare where one of my many flagpole
neighbors bugled revelry at 5am. The whole neighborhood marched out of their
homes, kids and dogs in tow, and stood at attention for morning inspection.
Look, nothing against being proud of your country, or any
professional or college sports team (except the Yankees, Lakers, Ohio State…).
I suppose besides a pole that’s as tall as the house, the plantings around the
base are what really push me over the edge.
Oh, look, mums! Orange ones! Daylilies! Orange ones! You
know what would look good around that 20 foot pole? Rocks. Antlers on rocks.
Maybe a bald eagle statue. Oh, and spotlights.
I had another dream, a good dream, where Jennifer Aniston
was admiring my neighbor’s flagpole and calling me over. If you want, insert
any proper noun for Jennifer Aniston: Robin Williams. Lady Gaga. Bert and
Ernie. Your favorite garden blogger (ahem).
If you have flagpoles in your neighborhood, I hope you will
recite the pledge below as you drive by them, gritting your teeth and
“accepting” freedom of expression, bearing the cross that all of us with taste
I pledge allegiance to the crap you put in your lawn, one
neighborhood, under siege, in design chaos, with no sane covenants at all.