Unusually Clever People

Porn for Gardeners

JoncarloftisWrite your own caption:

"Honey, I’ll pull the weeds.  You get down to that plant sale and don’t come back until the car is full!"

"Build a retaining wall? I thought you’d never ask."

"I couldn’t decide whether you’d rather have a new potting shed or a rooftop garden, so I built both."

"You look like you could use a little help getting that compost out from between your toes."

Folks, meet Jon Carloftis, gardener to the stars. Apparently his Manhattan rooftop gardens are popular among celebs like Julianne Moore, Mike Myers, Josh Hartnett and Edward Norton.  He’s written some books, he owns a garden shop in Kentucky called Rockcastle River Trading Company, and with looks like this, he has the inevitable HGTV deal: he’s signed on with HGTV to be part of their TrendSmart panel.  (we’re sure they’ll be calling us for that panel any minute now.)

Our friends at Apartment Therapy went a little nuts about him in this post, where speculation ran high as to–ahem– whose roses he prunes.  He’s entirely absent from YouTube (how is that possible?) so no video or audio clues are available.

Will Oprah launch his pretty face into mega-stardom?  Will Martha forget how to plant bulbs every fall so she can have him back on the show to demonstrate?  We watch and wait.  And watch.

Posted by on November 5, 2007 at 5:07 am, in the category Unusually Clever People.
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8 responses to “Porn for Gardeners”

  1. Michele Owens says:

    Very handsome. And looks a little more serious than the rest of that collection of preening morons on HGTV. I’m kind of insulted that HGTV thinks carpentry is nothing but a sex fantasy for middle-aged women, and now gardening, too. And I’m not watching until they give Clive Owen his own landscaping show.

  2. susan harris says:

    For the record and because somebody else will want to say it, Paul James, host of “Gardening by the Yard”, is not a preening moron. As for the others? Have at it, Michele.

  3. Heather says:

    Um. *drool* Huh? Garden. Huh? *drool*

  4. Emma karrlsson-willis says:

    Me want one!!!!
    Now can we legalize human cloning? Please?

  5. If men talked this way about you women, you’d slap them with a sexual harassment lawsuit. You might think this is cute but it’s not. It’s just tasteless and disappointing.

    I know. I should “lighten up”. After all you just like being provocative to boost your ratings and what better way to be number one on Google than put “porn” in your title and write like a bunch of geeky teenage boys looking at nude photos of Jessica Alba.

    I’ll be back when you add some content.

  6. Lisa says:

    To be honest, when I get the hots for a noted male gardener, his age, appearance and even his sexual orientation are all irrelevant to me. I just want to figuratively sit at his feet and gather his wisdom. (I want to do the same thing with noted female gardeners). I would have loved to watch a gardening series by Christopher Lloyd, and would like to see a great deal more of Tony Avent and Dan Hinkley. I’d like to tour (by video–I’m not up to the real thing) with Jim and Jenny Archibald on their seed-gathering treks. I’d like to trot along after Ron Ratko (again, video only) as he gathers seed in the far West. I’d like to tour the Netherlands with Scott Kunst (that I probably could manage). I’d even be perfectly happy with re-runs of the BBC’s Gardener’s World and CBC’s Canadian Gardener on Saturday afternoons on my local public television station. I guess I just think that all plant nerds are pretty “hot”. After all, isn’t the real sex organ the brain?

  7. Brooke says:

    DAMN!!! Hot, and a gardener! I don’t care what M.Stevens says, that’s my kind of CONTENT.

    By the way, I would watch HGTV if they gave that guy CISCOE his own show on their network, I love him.

  8. peasy says:

    Sorry, but I agree with M Sinclair Stevens. I’ve been reading Garden Rant since the beginning and have always found the drool factor somewhat embarrassing. The writing is so good, and the content is so good…and then there’s the drooling over guys thing. It doesn’t play very well when you dismiss the glossies for being silly, low brow and whorish, all the while allowing yourselves to be, on occassion, equally silly and lowbrow, with a pinch of the downright offensive to boot.

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